I am aL KiLtpone and youse seein' me can only mean one ting...da Valentine's Day is near! I wills be tellin' some new stories in da comin' days but I figures ta introduce myself to StumpTown Kilts new peoples and refamiliarize myselfs to dose who have met me in da previous years...and are still around...if youse know what I'm sayin's.
So here is last year's words of wisdoms, t'ank youse very much and be sure to take advantage of dat special offer da STK boys are offerin's on da STKVD Gift Certificates. The feLLas know how ta offer a deal that is hard to refuse...and they like beer...dat I respect!
Feb 12,2013
HeLLo’s STK Nation, I am aL KiLtpone
Now on dis day of VD week(i could never say dat around cousin Al) I am supposin’ we should start wit’ perhaps da underbellies of da day that is da 14th of February. Perhaps dis will give youse some time to make proper plans to help those in needs.
VDay is also ConGenitals Heart Awareness Day...er...hold up dehr..sorry again cousin Al, dats congenital and it’s not under da belly...it’s above it. It’s a serious t’ing affectin’ beautiful childrens so help those wit a broken heart by supportin’. Youse can edumucates yerselves here http://www.tchin.org/aware/
Please do all youse can.
Now backs to VDay, did youse knows about 15% of da ladies send demselves flowers to save demselves what is considered ‘office face’. LADIES, youse are beautiful! While some gents might find dis a bit peculiars funny in a peculiars low class way, I t’ink it’s great, all youse belles is beautiful and why not send youselves some fragrants color in yer day, i send ‘em to my basement office on da eastside too. but youse wanna really knock yer own socks off, why not a StumpTown Mini Kilt, hummunah mu hummunah...sexy time!
And gents, do a gal a good and jest walk about and hand a flower to a damsel you dunno. It could change the day in a life and maybees change a life in a day.
Now buyins a STK is not recommended for da 9 millions of ya dat buy valentines for youse pets. A kilted cat! Now der’s some peculiar funny! I gives my own pup, his name is poodALof course, a big Valentine’s bone from da freeza, and no, I swears I’m not tryin’ to get rid of evidence!
Feb 13, 2013
HeLLo’s STK Nation, I am aL KiLtpone...
Dis day of VD week(sorry cousin Al), I’m gonna edumacate youse on some history. Now historixly speakin’s, youse ladies spend half as much as youse fellas on VDay but the Ladies buy likes 80% of Valentine’s cards. Now this is probably not simply because we Gents still prefer crayon scribbles on a white piece of paper to accompany our macaroni boxes. They are most probably bought for youse kids to give to yer teachers who get more cards than anybodies on the whole of da freakin’ planet.
And to combines some tradition to the history lesson, we travel back in time to the middle ages where young ladies believed dat the first boy they was to see on the Valentine’s Day would become their future spousal. This worked grand for the fellas until the girls wised up and stalking laws were soon widely introduced.
And now for the big finish...in Wales a very intricatesly carved spoon is given on VDay which ofcourse leads to...dares I say it,,,SPOONING! Good Night STK Nation!
Feb 14, 2013
HeLLo’s STK Nation, I am aL KiLtpone
Today we will discuss other reasons to celebrate the February da 14th. It is not Ferris Bueller’s day off, but it is Ferris Wheel’s Day. Not terribly interestin’, but an easy joke so I’m keepin’ it.
It is also National Condom Day and for some unbeknownst reason the condoms have there biggest sales this here week. Well, maybees the reason is...beknownst.
And hopefully just a coincidence, on the day of the 14th Scot scientist and kiLt wearer...(probably)...Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin while growing mold on his haggis. I kid! mold can’t grow on haggis, it’s like the Scottish equivalent of a twinkie...probably.
Cousin Al wouLda loved that one, the penicillin t’ing ofcourse
And whiles the protection d’amours has such a well recieved day in february, it woulds appear home pregnancy tests... ‘peak’... in March.
Goodnight STK Nation! I am aL KiLtpone and I will see youse next year!!
Feb 14, 2012
Happy week of da Valentines STK Nation, I’m Al KiLtpone, Seems like so much happened on dis day i figures i shoulds start a bit early and be yer tour guide de amours for da week. first let me regails ya with last years somber sweet story of my cousin Al Capone and the supposed truths er fictions as dey may be.
While St Valentine's Day is regarded as the day of "amore" for lovers, it is also a notorious day in history with regards to the St. Valentine's Day Massacre of 1929. Now youse guys may have bought into all this nub pointing in the direction of my famous cousin, Al Capone, but I'm heres to tell youse a different story. Old cousin Scarface may have been guilty of a lot of bootleggin', moidering, gamblin' rackets and a whole lotta other rackets including making a racket, but he may well have been innocent of this.
Jonathan Eig in his book Get Capone (Simon & schuster 2010) puts forth a very plausible theory. On the day of Febuary 14th 1929, Al Capone was sitting in Miami answering questions from a Brooklyn prosecutor and sharing the company of a Dade county prosecutor, sheriff, stenographer, and his own lawyer. Well 'answering' may be a stretch but he was being asked about his personal income in what would be the beginning of his end as three states and the federal government began building tax fraud charges against him. Now Capone's distance from Chicago certainly did not mean he was removed from the happenings of the Windy City or had a big chubby hand in controlling his intrests and directing others to do his bidding. But the St. Valentine's Day Massacre may have originated for an entirely different reason than Capone's wanting to remove Bugs Moran's North Side Mob.
Eig brings up some facts that were pretty much glossed over at the time, and perhaps with good reason. It seems Moran's boys got into a bar fight that resulted in the shooting of one William Davern Jr., an off duty fire fighter and son of a local police sargeant in November of 1928. Davern clung to life for six weeks without admitting to authorities who had plugged him in the belly. He did however tell his first cousin, William White, or as he was better known, "Three-Fingered Jack". He recieved his moniker due to his right hand only extending into three digits. Davern kicked off in that sixth week leaving his well known vicious cousin swearing to avenge his death. Three-Fingered Jack was a well known henchman, killer, and bank robber who had worked with Moran's boys before and had also killed a snitch while he himself was dressed as a cop. Sound familiar?
Official reports say a police squad car was seen to have pulled up to the S.M.C. Cartage Co. garage (the North Side Mob's HQ ) at about 10:30 a.m. where two police officers and two or three men dressed in street clothes entered the building. Shortly after there were bursts of shotgun fire and the sound of Tommy Guns spitting out death. Seven men lay on the garage floor, only one still barely alive. In between pleading to go to the hospital (which didn't help him anyway) he gasped, "Cops did it".
According to Frank T. Farrell, a supposed undercover invesigator who had written J. Edgar Hoover in 1935, White told the boys he had a big gig to pull off and they all agreed to meet at
the fateful garage on Clark Street. An eyewitness claimed to have seen a police squad car with five men and the driver definitely missing a finger on the hand that rested on the steering wheel.
So youse decide for youse-selves what to believe. Other of them there theories blame outta town gangs retaliatin' for Moran's boys ripping off their booze shipments and some have done some speculatin' that Bugs Moran himself set it up 'cause the fellas were skimming offa him. Ironically Willy "Three-Fingered Jack" White was killed in January of 1934 for himself being a snitch to the feds. This evidence supports the theory of personal vendetta and possible government protection from the true facts of things.
I aint sayin' cousin Al "Scarface" Capone belongs in the RepubliK of STK 'cause he kiLt allota men, I'm just sayin' maybe he got a bad rap on the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Speakin' of Valentine's Day, boy did he hate it when people called it "V D" Day.
Goodnight STK Nation! I am aL KiLtpone and I will see youse next year!!
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